


Love is fatal. Won't you give it a chance?

by luluyulu



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Dejun Yuta and Sicheng are in a band together, Established Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Nakamoto Yuta, Getting Back Together, Kissing, M/M, Misunderstandings, painting nails, smoking weed, some grinding but no actual sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:40:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23593996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luluyulu/pseuds/luluyulu
Summary: “I said that you two should be in our music video.” Yuta says confidently.“And do what?” Yangyang has no idea what would he do. He’s nowhere near having any good acting skills.“Kiss.” He answers simply like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. "You've heard the lyrics, it's a love song after all."And if it was any on other day Yangyang would probably get all red on the face, burning with embarrassment look down and pretend the question has never been asked.But in his current state he doesn't think about the consequences, so instead he says. “Sure, why not? It’s not like we haven't done that before.”
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Nakamoto Yuta, Liu Yang Yang/Wong Kun Hang | Hendery
Comments: 8
Kudos: 78





	Love is fatal. Won't you give it a chance?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is just a little something I wrote because of boredom. The work is slightly inspired by a movie called "Matthias & Maxime" by Xavier Dolan but it actually may be unnoticeable. Hope You enjoy.

There's sound of footsteps coming from the stairs area. The person is stomping slowly, one step at a time. From time to time, the old wooden surface creaks.

Yangyang peaks from the sofa, it's easy to notice Kunhang carrying his suitcase in the small living area of the cabin they are staying in, even in the dim light given only by the TV.

He watches the other's slightly clumsy movements until Kunhang catches his eyes, that moment he looks away pretending to pay attention to the weather forecast.

After a while he hears a thump and feels the plush couch digging under someone's weight, Kunhang is sitting next to him now but he doesn't look in his direction.

"Can we talk?" Kunhang asks. No response, Yangyang's eyes are glued to the presenter who's speaking in a language Kunhang doesn't understand. Her blonde hair has too much volume and her clothes are way too colourful, the taints don't match at all.

"Okay...then let me just say something." Now the younger shrugs, it's almost unnoticeable, Kunhang would've missed it if his eyes weren't fixed on him. "Can you…" his breath shudder, condemning his nervousness. He tries again. "Can you look at me?"

Now Yangyang sighs and reaches for the remote. Seconds later the room is completely dark. Kunhang frowns, that doesn't help in seeing him. He can barely make out the outlines of his face. They're still not making eye contact.

"You know, we're supposed to leave tomorrow but...but I don't have to. If you'd just told me, I could...I could stay for a bit more. I know that what happened-" he stops talking when the younger abruptly stands up.

"You don't know shit, okay?" he sounds angry but at the same time, his voice is full of sorrow. It would be easier if Kunhang could see his face. "Besides-" he scoffs. "I shouldn't be the one to hold you back." Then he walks away.

.

2 years earlier

"-I shouldn't be the one to hold you back. Look, I've thought this through and I think you should stay home." Kunhang says on the other side of the line.

Yangyang stop in his tracks where he was looking through his clothes and sits on the edge of his unmade bed. "H-home? You mean-"

"I mean with your parents, in Germany." Kunhang's voice is completely out of emotion, that combined with his words makes tears pool in Yangyang's eyes. "I just think you- we...that we should focus on ourselves for now."

"Are you breaking up with me right now?" he tries his best not to let his emotions be heard. His fingers reach to the ridge of his yellow T-shirt playing with it, trying to ground himself.

"I- It'll be for the best."

"But I...I love you." It's cliché and desperate, but that's the first thing that comes to his mind. It's something to be embarrassed about later.  
His voice is small and he angrily reaches to his cheeks who are wet now.

He hears a sigh. "We're still best friends okay? If you need me just call."

Yangyang stares blankly through the opened french door in his room, at the tree crowns that swing softly left and right. The outside seems calm and idyllic, the sun has started to set, painting everything in that specific shade, making the creme walls of Yangyang's room look warmer than usual. The light goes through the sheer material of lace curtains, creating various patterns on the wooden floor.

"I'll try to remember that." He says and despite the hurt he still doesn't want to hang up, clinging to the phone. He's not controlling the sobs that escape his mouth every once in a while.

.

2 weeks earlier

"Yeah, I'm at the bus stop. I'll be waiting for you."

There are not many people around him which is rather normal for the lake district he's in. He kicks a rock he was busying himself with for the whole duration of the walk. To his discontent, it lands somewhere on the pale glass near the pavement.

"Cool. I think we're close. I mean I don't know for sure I'm not trying to speak german ever again...but we've been riding for almost 2 hours now."

"Ever again? When was the first time?"

"At the airport, I made a total clown out of myself while trying to pronounce the village name." They both laugh.

"I can imagine. Anyway be quick I'm eager to see yall."

"We are too. Kunhang has been talking non-stop about you."

"Ah...really?" He smiles, the thought is a bit overwhelming. His dry throat is both from the hot weather and nerves about meeting his friends again.

"Yeah, he's knocked out right now though. He's probably overheated. You know, he only wears black clothes these days." Dejun giggles. "Fucking eboy."

Yangyang hums and then they hang up. He feels like he's overheating too. He tried picking out the lightest T-shirt he owns and yet it feels like he has too many layers on his body. The white fabric sticks to his back creating a wet spot between his shoulder blades and his fringe falls heavily on his forehead. He pushes it back not being sure if it makes him look better or even worse but at least it cools his head.

The bus arrives about ten minutes later and Yangyang waits in anticipation for the glass door to open.

When they do, first people he sees are some grannies dressed like they came for a safari in Africa and not summer in western Europe. He muffles a laugh.

Next, he sees Dejun's familiar face which now is wry because of the weight and size of his gripsack.  
His hair instead of the deep natural black it was when Yangyang had last seen him is bleached now, but it looks good. He's wearing a basic T-shirt and shorts made from what looks like soft fabric, in a similar shade of beige. 

Yangyang rushes to him greeting him excitedly throwing his arms around him.

"Missed you, dude."

"Hm, me too. How bad do I smell?" He asks with a grin and Yangyang slaps his shoulder.  
They distance themselves and now that they are face to face Yangyang is able to see a piece of metal in his friend's nose.

"Not worse than me. What's that tho?!" he asks pointing to the nose ring.

"Ah this-" His fingers travel to his nose and he touches the ring lightly, playing with it. "My bandmates said it would look good." Dejun says shyly like he's unsure about the final effect.

"It totally does. Wow cool, I would've never expected that from you." The other just shrugs. "Where's the rest?"

"They are...coming. Oh! There they are." He says as three other men his age come out of the vehicle. One of them is Kunhang and the other two must be Dejun's bandmates he's told Yangyang about.

"So that's Yuta and Sicheng." They both slightly bow their heads to Yangyang and he responds with the same. It feels kind of weird, he hasn't done that in a while. "We play together."

Yangyang nods, they exchange "Hey". 

The two are pretty tall, Sicheng is slightly taller than Yuta. Yangyang doesn't miss how attractive they look. Yuta has long hair and its colour it's similar to Dejun's, maybe they've used the same dye. The haircut looks kind of outdated yet it really fits Yuta and Yangyang can't believe how good it looks after such a long journey. A black bandana is hugging his forehead and that's probably why he doesn't look like he's just poured a water bottle over his face, in contrast to Yangyang.

Sicheng looks way more normal, kind of tired and his maroon hair is slightly flat on one side probably from sleeping on the bus. His skin looks sweaty but somehow it makes it look good.

Yangyang didn't really care about how he was going to appear to the strangers he was going to meet. Now he regretted it.

Not only because of Yuta and Sicheng but also…

"And well, Kunhang. I don't have to introduce you two." Dejun winks. "Sleeping princess? How we feeling?" He adds in a mocking tone. 

Kunchang looks like he doesn't really register what is happening around him. His eyes are only slightly open, it looks like he's trying his best to avoid the sunlight.

He looks different than last time but unlike with his other friend, Yangyang can't really put a finger on what's changed. His hair is the same colour, raven black maybe just slightly longer. It looks smooth and shiny. Yangyang wonders how would they feel under his fingers. 

Just like Dejun has said he's wearing all black but it actually looks like he's cared about putting the pieces of clothing together. He's in a T-shirt with some print that looks cool on him but Yangyang's pretty sure it would be lame on anyone else. His shorts reveal his slim legs which are as pale as the rest of his complexion. Also on his face, the younger catches his plump lips, they have a light pink shade and they are shiny. It could be some kind of lipstick or rather saliva. His cheekbones are really prominent - he's lost some weight.

Then there are his eyes which are already looking at him. Yangyang is startled so he quickly looks away but the next moment he sees the prettiest smile spread across Kunhangs face. It's lazy and sleepy.

"Hi." Kunhang says at last.

Yangyang beams, his cheeks get into a rosy shade which easily can be justified by the weather. "Yeah, hi. Let's go, guys, you must be tired."

Yangyang instructs Dejun on what direction they should go and he ends up leading the way. He, Sicheng and Yuta are engaged in a conversation but Yangyang and Kunhang are walking together in the back so they can't hear anything but babbling. Once every few minutes, a car passes by and makes the air around them a bit cooler which they are grateful for.

Kunhang and Yangyang aren't talking but rather than awkward it's comforting silence. Like they are giving themselves time to think about what they want to say to each other. They walk shoulder to shoulder which is just right considering the urge to be close but also not to melt because of the sun that is shining right at them at this hour.

They are hit with a wave of cool air-conditioned air when they finally arrive at the cabin. Yangyang shows them around the ground floor, everyone seems to be needing a shower. Dejun is the last one to get to the bathroom and before he closes the door he says they should decide on the beds when he's out.

So there they are, sited around a small wooden table in the kitchen with glasses of cold iced tea.

"Right, so...there are 2 bedrooms with queen-sized beds so one person will need to take a couch. You two guys-" Yangyang looks in the direction of Sicheng and Yuta. "I got it right from Dejun, you're together?" he wants to make sure not to put anyone into something they don't want to be in. When he gets a confirmation he continues. "Cool, so like you can take my parents' bedroom?"

"Yeah, sure." Says Yuta.

"And for us. The other room is my bedroom, I can take the couch tho…" he looks at Kunhang now as if he's silently asking him.

"No, I wanna sleep with you. It's fine." Pink creeps up Yangyang's neck and cheeks, he feels like he's burning despite the AC being on.

Yuta and Sicheng only smile knowingly. Dejun just makes some snarky comment about leaving them alone if they want to.

"That's even better. I like late night snacks anyway." 

Yangyang is eyeing the glass with the chilly, golden liquid inside. The walls of the glass are fogged and there are little droplets coming down on the table, he mixes it with a metal straw and the ice cubes chip one another. He thinks how weird would it be if he took one out and put on his forehead or on the back of his neck.

"How far is the lake?" Kunhang asks, changing the topic.

"Oh? You haven't seen? It's like in the backyard." Sicheng says before Yangyang can answer.

"Really? Great." He yawns then. "Not today though. Yangyang?”

“Yeah?” he snaps his head into his direction. 

“Show me around.” He stands up and takes the direction which leads to the staircase.

Yangyang pushes the door and they close with a soft click. He turns around, Kunhang has set his big suitcase against the wall. Now he's standing next to it looking like he isn't sure what to do.

The younger observes his long fingers setting a strand of raven hair behind his ear. Now he can see that his nails have the same colour, they look neat and the layer is shiny. It must be freshly painted.

Then he walks over to where Yangyang is standing, they are face to face and almost eye level. It makes the younger unsure about what he should do, what would be appropriate.

At first, Kunhang puts his palms on Yangyang's shoulders and runs them up and down a few times.  
When the younger doesn't shudder away he embraces him into a hug and puts his hands where the disgusting wet spot has formed. He must feel it because the next second his hands go a bit lower. Yangyang frowns, he should've showered too. 

It's awkward. Yangyang's arms are slack next to his frame. He can't really raise them because of how strong the other's grip is.  
When he finally manages it's only natural to enfold Kunhang.

He can smell his clean, after shower scent. It's a regular cosmetic trace, he didn't use any perfume. Yangyang's left palm landed in between his soft hair by accident but now that it's there he shyly brushes the shorter locks on his neck. It's still damp.

"So yeah… nothing much besides that is going on."

"Your life sounds really exciting." Kunhang says with a completely straight face but doesn't manage to keep it up for long and bursts out laughing. Yangyang does too.

"I mean...I think I've picked the most boring major there was but I didn't real-".

"Wait!" Kunhang gets into a sitting position from where they were lying on the bed. The younger is looking at him in confusion, puzzled at why he got interrupted. Kunhang is hovering over him. "Smile…"

"What?"

"Smile." He fixes his gaze on his lips. Yangyang swallows heavily. He does, just a tug of his lips. "No… full-on." He complies even though it feels weird. "Your braces are gone." He says as if he's made some kind of discovery.

"Ah, yeah. It's been for some time now." 

"Well, I didn't know." Kunhang comes back to his previous position, simply lying on the bed. "It's pretty…"

Yangyang feels his cheeks get hot once again that day. He puts his palms over his eyes and drags them across his face but he regrets it because his hands were sweaty. It leaves an unpleasant feeling on his skin.

"But don't worry, my life isn't anything special at the moment either."

"Yeah?"

"I mean… I just work. Nothing else really. And sometimes I go to Dejun's concerts, he doesn't let me watch them practice tho." Kunhang says in a dull voice.

Yangyang hums. “I’ve seen them on the youtube channel, they’re pretty good. Where do you work?" He asks curiously.

"At a Vans store. It's cool, I get employee discounts." The younger hums. "I actually have a hoodie for you." He looks into Yangyang's direction and blindly points to the wall where his luggage is. "I'm too tired to get up, tho. You'll have to wait until tomorrow. "

"Oh… thanks. You didn't have to. I don't have anything for you. Sorry."

"Nah, it's cool."

.

Yangyang walks into the living area after noon to his friends eating cornflakes. He smiles seeing that the only left chair is between Kunhang and Sicheng. 

“High-class breakfast today, I see.” He smiles before taking the place. The others laugh at the joke. Kunhang pushes a free bowl into his direction and he nods thanking him.

“It’s you who provides us with amazing ingredients.” Comes from Sicheng. Throughout the few days he started feeling more comfortable around the youngest and he talks way more in comparison. 

“I bet Kun would be able to make something even out of the empty fridge.” Sicheng speaks again and the 3 others hum in agreement.

Yangyang has no idea who are they talking about. “Who’s Kun?” 

“The ivories in our band. He plays the keyboard and the synthesizer sometimes.” Yuta joins the conversation. "Ah, he's something else. He plays piano, sings, cooks…man. He's…" he clicks his tongue in annoyance and turns to his boyfriend. "Babe, what's the word?".

"What word?"

"The one I wanna use." Sicheng rolls his eyes, for Yangyang it's endearing to see their relation.

"Husband material?"

"Yes!" Yuta plants a wet kiss on Sicheng's cheek at which the other grimaces at first but then smiles brightly making his apple cheeks grow. "He's a whole package, right Dejun?"

At that Dejun looks down into his unfinished cereal and after a moment a barely audible "shut up" can be heard from him which makes Yuta burst out laughing.

"Anyway, sorry it's not my native language."

Yangyang gets that it is probably directed at him. He's noticed Yuta's accent was a bit different and his vocabulary was rather simple. "No, don't worry. My mandarin isn't standard either. It’s nice you guys are here, to talk now.”

“Don’t you speak with parents?”

“No, not really. Honestly, I’m pretty sure my dad has forgotten how to write anything and as in for my mum, she uses it at work so she always says she needs a break.”

Dejun nods. “I was texting with your mum not that long ago.”

“Yeah, she told me. She’s like your biggest fan.” Dejun laughs. “I played her one of your songs once in the car and since then she’s been really into it.”

“Wow, Yangyang doing us the free promo. You can tell her we have a new song coming this month.”

“She said you remind her of my dad when he was young. She said he was in some kind of a band too.”

“Your dad?” Yangyang sees the image of his dad in his head, he only remembers him always carrying his briefcase dressed in a suit free of any wrinkles his mother was steaming every evening, and so do his friends. “Not to be mean but he’s…”

“He’s a fucking tightwad.” Kunhang finishes.

Yuta and Yangyang giggle, Sicheng only slightly lifts the corners of his mouth as is he’s fighting with himself because he doesn’t want to laugh at someone who he’s never seen.  
“I didn’t wanna be mean, you dick.”

“Oh, yes you’re doing amazing with that.”

After another spoon full of too soft cereal Yangyang decides the cornflakes are tasty only if he’s hungry enough. “Anyway, about food. We could go for some groceries. I could show you around the town if you want to. I mean...it’s not anything special but…”

“Sure, let’s go.” Kunhang says before he can finish.

“This one is good and not that expensive.” Yangyang says pointing to the brown bottles of beer on one of the lower shelves in the supermarket.

“Sure, it’s not like any of us beside you would know.”

The four of them waddle between the aisles together picking out food, mainly snacks but there also fresh stuff which will allow them to cook a proper meal.

“Do they have matcha here?” Dejun asks, Yangyang smiles at how close to him he’s trying to walk remembering about the situation from the airport his friend told him about.

“I think it should be somewhere in the beverages section.” So they walk there, Kunhang has disappeared somewhere along the way heading into the freezers section. Yangyang decided he was going to start looking for him only if he doesn’t come back in the next 10 minutes.

“Dude it’s so expensive.”

“It’s because the brand is well known.” Dejun pouts at being deprived of his favourite drink. “I don’t think they have anything else… It’s not that popular.” 

“Let’s just buy green tea then.”

The way back home is rather quiet, all of them are eating ice cream which Kunhang got when he’s broke away from them at the store. 

Yangyang is having his favourite lemon cone but because of the heat the waffle started getting all soggy and now something which resembles juice more than ice cream is dripping out on the bottom making his fingers all sticky. 

“Shit.” He says more to himself than anyone else when he feels the sticky, sweet substance drizzle down his forearm and elbow, right onto his T-shirt. It’s pretty worn out but still one of his favourites. He doesn’t really think before he starts licking his fingers to get rid of the melted ice cream.

“Jesus, Yangyang. Calm down.” Says Dejun in disgust. Yangyang rushes to apologise, he looks up and sees his friend’s frown, Yuta and Sicheng are still licking the sweat cream not batting an eye. But Kunhang is looking at him like his eyes are about to burn a hole in Yangyang’s face. His gaze is too intense but Yangyang can't bring himself to drop the eye contact until he hears someone calling his name.

It sounds different than he’s been hearing it for the past two days, sharper and definitely more usual for him to hear every day.

He turns around looking for the source of it. “Leon?”

“Oh, thank god it’s really you. I thought I’ve just mistaken someone.” It’s the guy he has business classes with.

Yangyang shakes his head, he’s not sure what to say. They do talk in class but hardly ever outside of it, the only times being when he wants to buy weed because Leon is his best and actually only contact. He wouldn't call him his friend. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here with my girlfriend. Wait, do you know her?” He looks around as if he’s looking for someone. His voice is very cheerful and full of excitement.

“No, I don’t think we’ve met.”

Leon then looks behind Yangyang where his friends are standing, looking confused and awkward not understanding a word.

“Oh yeah, those are my friends. We’re having a little childhood reunion here. It’s Kunhang, Dejun, Yuta and Sicheng.” He says despite knowing the other is not going to care much about that. Then he adds in mandarin. “Guys, this is Leon. We have classes together.”

“Wassup guys?” Leon says in English, with fake american accent and Yangyang cringes on the inside. His friends don’t respond with anything and for some reason, the other is still trying to engage them in a conversation. “You know, we’re staying at the hotel pretty close.” He continues, still in English. "My girlfriend, Mia has some nice girl friends if you know what I mean.” He ends with a wink. Yangyang feels extremely awkward and feels like he’s going to have to explain to his friends later that this guy is definitely not someone he’s close with.

“Nah, we’re fine. Most of us aren't interested anyway.” Kunhang tells him and then starts walking away into the general direction of their cabin, the three other follow right after him. 

Yangyang is about to leave but not without saying goodbye. Then he thinks that meeting Leon could actually be useful.

"Hey, Leon. Do you have something on you...Like now?"

The other smiles. "Um… " He pats the pockets of his jeans shorts. "Not much tho."

"It's fine."

He finally gets what he was looking for and pulls out a small package of weed. He gives it to Yangyang not being too obvious, though it's not that needed because there isn't anyone around them.

"Thanks. How much?"

"Just treat it as a welcome gift for your friends."

Yangyang decides it's better to save the weed for another evening when they going to be bored and out of things to do. 

.

“Dejun! I’m back.”

Dejun emerges from the kitchen at the speed of light to see if Yangyang has succeeded. “You got it?”

Yangyang smiles being proud of himself, he takes the guitar case with the instrument he has borrowed from the next parcel neighbour. “Yeah, see if it’s good.” 

They proceed to the small living room, where Yuta and Sicheng seem to be having a pretty heavy makeout session on the grey couch. Dejun huffs at them and Yuta wiggles out of Sicheng’s lap visibly irritated. “What’s that?” He says eyeing the black wrapper.

Dejun sets it on top of the coffee table, making the stack of cards that were there a mess. 

“I borrowed a guitar from the neighbour. It’s actually his son’s, he said he doesn’t need it anymore so…”

“So we can play something in the evening, do a whole bonfire and stuff.” Dejun unzips the case and carefully takes out the guitar. It’s pretty standard, just a wooden thing with strings, at least it seems so to Yangyang who’s not really orientated in the area. “It will be so cool, dude. The ultimate summer in the wild experience.”

“Is it in tune?” Sicheng asks and Dejun shrugs. “Lemme see?” The younger hands him the instrument into his lap and it makes Yuta move away so he’s not getting into its way. Then his boyfriend starts softly tugging on the strings.

“Serenade me, babe.” Yuta says and starts laughing when Sicheng eyes him in disbelief.

Yangyang doesn’t notice Kunhang anywhere around on the ground floor so he asks Yuta about him because the other two are still on checking out the guitar.  
Now, Dejun is kneeling in front of the couch as if that would help him hear the unclear notes coming out of the soundboard better. Maybe it will, Yangyang doesn’t know.

“He’s upstairs, probably. I don’t know.” Yangyang nods and heads into his room.

He thought that maybe Kunhang was sleeping, they all did a lot these days. The weather is too hot to function, the air is extremely dry because it hasn't rained for at least a week and with the current lack of responsibilities or tasks to manage it was easy to nod off.

So Yangyang tries to push the door quietly and enter not making too much noise. But Kunhang isn’t on the bed where he expected him. He’s sitting on the windowsill, the window is wide open. There’s a stack of swabs and a small bottle with black liquid next to his knee. Yangyang smells the artificial smell of nail polish remover.

“Hey.”

Kunhang hums being too focused on his hand to reply. He finishes taking off the layer of his pinky. Then he finally looks up. “Sorry for the smell, I thought you'd be gone longer.”

“It’s fine.”

“Did he lend you the guitar?”

Yangyang comes closer and sits next to him on the windowsill, their knees are almost touching. “Yeah, seems like we're having a bonfire tonight.” He eyes the used cotton pads and then looks on his friend’s palms which, to his dissatisfaction are free of the black, shiny layer that was adorning his nails. He frowns. “You’re taking it off?”

“I’m repainting them. They got all ugly because of swimming.” Yangyang shakes his head, he doesn’t think they were ugly at all, just a little worn out. Still looked good in his opinion.

Now that he’s finished with the remover, he starts applying the nail polish, beginning with his weaker hand. Yangyang is watching his hands in fascination, can’t seem to look away. 

“You just gonna watch me?”

“Hm… What?” Kunhang laughs. “It’s just… it suits you.” Yangyang says shyly. “Your nails, your clothes and all.”

“I’m in pyjamas.”

“I mean not… not, like… now too. I meant in general… you look good.” He says looking down.

“Yeah? Thanks, you’re not bad either.” He giggles.

Yangyang huffs. “No need to make fun of me. I literally still look like a high school kid. My fashion sense is like, level zero. Every day is like… I just put on whatever T-shirt and jeans, if I wear plaid you can consider that a fest.”

“Hm, if you feel fancy enough huh? Anyway, yeah I agree, you do look like your high school self but don’t forget I really liked that… kid.” Yangyang’s heart jumps at the memory.

Kunhang moves on to his other hand but the younger can tell that he’s struggling, his movements aren’t that precise and he puts the polish on the cuticles around his nails by accident. He clicks his tongue in annoyance.

“I could help you.” He says unsurely, it’s more a question than an offering.

“With my nails?” Yangyang nods eagerly, although he’s not sure if it’s going to be as easy as he thought it was while Kunhang was painting his right hand. “I mean… sure, if you wanna.”

Kunhang hands him the bottle and then puts his palm flat on the windowsill between them, leaning down a bit. Yangyang tries to paint the first nail but the position is extremely awkward for his back and so he picks the older’s hand and places it on his knee. Kunhang freezes and for a moment Yangyang is terrified that he’s just made him uncomfortable, but then he relaxes and straightens his fingers, the younger breaths in relief.

He starts putting the shiny liquid, it’s so satisfying to see the pale-pink surface being covered in colour. He’s doing better than he thought he would, only ever messing over the skin once or twice. 

When he’s finished he lifts up Kunhang’s hand and not reflecting on it too much he starts lightly blowing on it to help the nails dry quicker. Kunhang’s palm is cold, colder than his. But he doesn’t remember it ever being different, he’s missed holding it.

Yangyang let’s go of his friend’s hand and looks at his face again only to find him already staring. It’s the same type of look he gave him when they met Leon.

Confused he asks. “What? Are you not supposed to do that? I thought it helps to dry them.”

His friend’s eyes soften. “Yeah, it does. Thanks.” He says looking closely at his fingers now, examining the effect.

“Yeah, no problem.”

Dejun tugs strings of the guitar one last time and then it’s just quiet and the soft sound of burning wood. Yangyang and Kunhang start clapping, the two others don’t, they’ve already heard the song before.

“It’s the best of your songs so far.” Kunhang states.

“Yeah, like… totally.” Yangyang wants to compliment it some more, but he’s just not good enough with words to actually pinpoint all the things he liked about the tune. The beer that he’s had doesn’t help him in thinking either.

“Thanks.” Dejun says proudly. “It’s not only me tho.” He puts the guitar down to replace it with another bottle of beer, he takes a sip. “Those two-” he gestures to Yuta and Sicheng who somehow have fitter their two bodies into one camp chair, the older being half in the other’s lap, his legs hanging weirdly on the side. “- they wrote the lyrics, I’ve only made some corrections.”

“Is it the one you’ve said is going to come out soon?” The youngest asks. “... or is it gonna wait for your album to come out?”

“If we ever actually make a deal.” Comes Sicheng’s quiet voice as if he’s talking more to himself than anyone else but with the tranquillity that surrounds them, when the only sounds are the fire and crickets somewhere far, closer to the lake, everyone hears it clearly enough.

“Of course we gonna babe!” Yuta says cheerfully and a bit too loudly because he is kind of tipsy. He’s had about 6 bottles of beer already but he’s doing pretty well anyway. “We are so good, aren’t we so good Jun?”

Dejun laughs fondly at his bandmate. “We’re the best. The old fucks in those music companies just have no taste.”

“See?!” Yuta ruffles his boyfriend’s hair and looks at him in a way that is the easiest to put as - loving. “To answer your question Yangyang-” he looks into his direction, at least turns his head because his eyes are almost closed. “- the song is gonna come out next month after we put the music video together, we still need some scenes tho.” He’s babbling. “When it comes out please buy it on iTunes and stream on Spotify. Thank you.”

The rest bursts out laughing because the speed that Yuta said the last sentence with was just impressive for someone who is too drunk to keep his eyes open.

They stumble back into the house when it’s already after midnight, through the big, glass door in the living room. Sicheng is carrying his half-asleep boyfriend in his arms, it’s clear that he’s struggling because the two of them are rather the same posture, Sicheng being only slightly taller.

“I love you.” Yuta says in a dull voice nuzzling into the other’s neck.

“I love you too.”

“No… like- I wanna marry you.” Yangyang isn’t sure if it’s just a joke that goes between them or if he’s just witnessed a proposal. He looks at Dejun, who he thinks should know better but he just shrugs and smiles.

“You’re so drunk…” He sighs tossing him into the air to get a better grip on Yuta’s slack body again before heading up the stairs.

But then, suddenly Yuta is more awake telling his boyfriend that he doesn’t want to sleep yet. “Just… let’s seat on the couch. Babe, come on! It’s so nice, let’s chat a bit more.”

Yangyang doesn’t know how much time has passed, not only Yuta has stopped fighting with his tiredness but Sicheng is also lightly snoring, they are curled up on the couch, spooning. They going to have back pain in the morning.

At some point Yangyang’s head feels too heavy to hold it up anymore and so it collapses on Kunhang’s shoulder. The other doesn’t seem to mind carrying on with the conversation he’s having with Dejun. They talk about some pictures of the countryside the older took while jogging in the morning. Yangyang looks to the broken screen of his phone. He sees a nearby lake near where his parents' friends live, he remembers visiting them when his whole family was spending holidays in the lake district cabin. He recognises the tall, old oak tree.

"I mean… it's cool and all but I still don't get why you do that at ass o’clock.” Kunhang says handing Dejun his phone back.

“Because Yuta does it at ass o’clock.” 

“And?”

“And I’ve lost a bet with Sicheng. Because Yuta doesn’t like running alone but likes doing it early and Sicheng doesn’t like getting up early.” The younger hums.

His hand finds its way into Yangyang’s hair and he starts threading his cold fingers through the brown locks. And before, the younger was just tired but it wasn’t a challenge to keep his eyelids open, now the cooling feeling on his scalp made impossible. 

He still hears the two older talking when he gives up and falls asleep in the living room not caring much about it. 

.

Yangyang wakes up because of the early sunlight shining right into his eyes. He groans, they must’ve forgotten to put the blinds down before they went to sleep. 

He looks to the side. Kunhang is still fast asleep, the sun not reaching his pillow. Yangyang looks at his phone, 6:07 AM the clock reads. He lingers on the lock screen, it’s a picture of him and his friends they took while they were swimming. It wasn’t perfect because the angle was kind of off. They used a water bottle to support the phone while they were in the water, most part of their bodies not visible under the dark blue surface.

It’s about half an hour later when the front door opens. Dejun and Yuta come back from their morning jog. They come to the kitchen to the sight of Yangyang drinking milk straight from the box. Dejun scolds him about it.

“Don’t worry I’ll finish it and we’ll open a new one for breakfast.”

“It’s about social rules.” Yangyang shrugs.

“Why are you up this early?” Yuta asks. “You wanted to join us?”

Yangyang laughs and shakes his head for a no. “There’s no way I’d willingly wake up at what? 5:30? To run.

“Your loss, look at Dejun. He’s getting muscles in his legs, they used to be as skinny as yours… Like mosquitos.”

Dejun almost spits the water he had in his mouth at that comment, he and Yangyang look at each other and then burst into laughter. “Mosquitos?!”

Yuta looks at them like he has no idea at what they’re laughing, being sure his comparison was extremely accurate. “Yeah, Kunhang too. Anyway… I’m gonna go shower.” He leaves but not before putting the used glass into the sink.

Yangyang is about to leave the kitchen and go back to bed when he hears Dejun’s voice. “Hey Yangyang?” he turns around to his friend smiling at him. “I just… I just wanted to let you know I’m having lots of fun here.” Yangyang doesn’t know what to respond to that, he ends up only humming in acknowledgement. “I’m glad we are catching up on all those years.”

“Yeah, me too.” The younger turns around feeling like it’s rude to be halfway outside of the room. “I’m glad you all came.”

“You know, at first I was scared it would be awkward… Like you know we used to best friends-” Yangyang doesn’t like the way he puts that in the past. He still considers Kunhang and Dejun his closest friends, even if there was time they weren’t talking much, all invested in their lives being thousands of kilometres apart. 

Also when he and Kunhang broke up, that was a hard time not only because of the break up itself but because Yangyang had temporarily lost both his boyfriend and best friend in the same person and his other closest friend. Technically Dejun hadn’t taken anyone’s side but Yangyang still felt jealous because the two were close, he hadn’t had anyone he could’ve talked to. His parents being out of the picture, they’ve always had a hard time accepting he had a boyfriend and not a girlfriend for that matter.

Dejun continues. “You know like… talking on the phone is not the same, and we’ve all obviously have changed. I thought it would be kinda hard to talk…” He scrapes his neck awkwardly like he’s about to say something he’s ashamed of. “That’s why I wanted Yuta and Sicheng to come… Like you know, the more people the better… Sorry about that.”

Yangyang shakes his head, he understands. “No, I get it. It’s fine. It’s even better to hear you’re having fun.”

“I was also afraid it may be awkward between you and Kunhang. I mean… I know you’ve started talking on the phone and stuff again but that’s still a pretty… tough situation.”

“I… I wasn’t sure either. But I’ve missed him so I wanted to try.”

“You missed him as your friend or…?” Dejun eyes him curiously.

And Yangyang doesn’t feel like spilling out all of the things he’s been feeling before they came and also for the past few days at 7 in the morning so he settles down for the easiest answer that won’t require any more explanation. “Um… Yes.”

“Hm, sorry… I’ve just noticed you’ve been acting pretty close. It reminds me of that summer when you came to China when we were 16 and you two were dancing around each other for the whole month.” Yangyang smiles at the memory, he considers that time the best days of his life. He knows, it’s probably because he was still a teenager, he was careless and didn’t realise a lot of things at that time. Suddenly he feels like it’s been ages since then, like he’s a whole different person now.

“Why?”

Dejun laughs. “God, you’re just as obvious as then. I mean you go around holding hands-”

“We don’t hold hands.”

The other sighs. “Okay… If you say so. But you do other things like I don’t know, you falling asleep on his shoulder and him carrying you to bed or-”

“What? He carried me?” 

“How did you think you woke up in the bed and not in a half-sitting position next to Yuta and Sicheng on the couch, in the morning.”

The younger feels his cheeks heat up despite the other not even being anywhere near at the moment, that hadn’t even crossed his mind.

“I just thought that I woke up and went upstairs on my own.”

“Well you didn’t. So you just do all those things acting like it’s nothing.”

“I- I hadn’t noticed anything like that.”

Dejun shakes his head like he can’t believe what the younger just said. “That’s exactly what I’m talking about.” The sound of the bathroom door opening can be heard, Dejun gathers up the hoodie he’d taken of while they were talking. “Anyway… Go back to the bed where you sleep with your best friend.” He jokes accenting the last two words in a mocking tone. “I’m gonna shower.”

And then he leaves leaving Yangyang only with more thoughts.

.

With the temperature being almost 34 degrees it was only reasonable to cool down in the lake. The water was warm so being in it gave a pleasant feeling and helped to survive.

Yangyang is the last to get out of the water, he’s almost on the pier lifting himself up on his arms when he feels two hands push him back into the water.

His head surfaces and he spits out the water that got into his mouth. “You fucker!” He yells at Kunhang but can’t help laughing.” I got my towel all wet.” When the older pushed him he instinctively gripped the cloth as if it could prevent him from falling.

Kunhang is still chuckling when he gives him a hand to help him back onto the dry surface. “Have some fun.” When the younger is on the pier he shoves his towel off of his shoulders and starts drying the younger. Yangyang tries not to focus too much on the other’s hands all over his chest, he swears he can feel their temperature even through the plush fabric. Despite Kunhang’s hands being as cold as always he feels like they are burning his body.

“Thanks.”

Kunhang smiles at him brightly. “No problem.”

Yuta hands Yangyang the big bottle of water they’ve taken with them, it's still cold from being in the fridge the whole night. He shudders, despite it being hot and his friend drying him off. Kunhang notices and sits closer putting his towel around their bodies.

Yangyang is surprised, he catches Dejun’s eyes by an accident. He remembers what the other has told him in the kitchen. He tries to shake out of his thoughts and instead focus on whatever Yuta is talking about. He’s saying something about the lights and mood that match music and Yangyang thinks it may be about the music video they were talking about the other day. 

But it’s not easy to pay attention to that while he’s sitting so close to Kunhang, their legs are touching and the fact that they are only in their swim trunks isn’t helping either. Then the older puts his around his middle, Yangyang shudders at the skin to skin contact but doesn’t even think about shoving away. When the other sees that he doesn’t mind he starts running his bony fingers on his side, making little circles.

Kunhang reaches for the water bottle and suddenly Yangyang can’t stand the thought of his hand being away so he quickly snatches it from him and starts unscrewing the cap. The other doesn’t react in any way, probably thinking the younger just also wants to drink.

When Yangyang pushes the bottle into his direction, now free of the blue cap, he just smiles. The younger looks at his hands on the plastic surface and notices that the nail polish is coming off again.

Not thinking much he says. “Your nails got all soggy again, I can help you with them later.” He’s suddenly hit that the white noise that was there before was gone. The other three are looking at him like they are about to burst out laughing and after a moment they do.

He looks down embarrassed, his cheeks heating up. He hadn’t realised that Yuta was speaking the whole time he was too focused on Kunhang’s hand on his skin. He tries to especially avoid Dejun, who probably has the “I told you” look on his face.

“Wow, I hadn’t realised what I was talking about was so boring you decided to switch off.”

“Sorry…” He says and finally looks at him

“Chill.” Yuta is smiling brightly, Yangyang is grateful he’s decided to turn it into a joke. For that and for the hand still on his skin.

.

What everyone was waiting for finally happened. Rain came bringing relief from the heat that has been besetting everyone lately. The air became more moisty making everyone able to finally breathe with ease again. It wasn’t that cold, it was still summer after all but because of the gale-force winds, it felt more chilly on one’s skin. 

That’s why Yangyang was currently wrapped in a big, pink hoodie he had found somewhere on the bottom of his dresser.

“It’s good.” Says Sicheng passing the joint to Dejun who was sitting on his right. The two of them and Yuta were propped up against the couch on the floor. The two youngest were facing them on the opposite side of the coffee table where the forgotten pack of cards was scattered. They started a game trying to busy themselves inside the house but then Yangyang remembered about the “gift” Leon gave him. “Where do you have this from?”

“You remember the guy we met? On our way from the supermarket, the first time we went?” They shake their heads for a no, the weed is now back in Yangyang’s hands who had the first drag. He inhales it again. “The one I told you I had classes with?”

That doesn’t seem to ring any bell either. “The one who talked in English with the speed of a turtle and fake american accent. Incredibly straight.” Kunhang helps and now a choir of “Ah’s” can be heard.

“Yeah, that one. I buy from him sometimes when the uni kicks my ass too much. He seems to like me and gives me a lower price. And this-” he raises up his hand where he’s holding the pot. “This was free, a welcome gift for you guys.” He laughs.

“Wow, a straight jock being useful. Amazing.” Yuta giggles and the others follow right after him. The amount they had was just enough for one portion so it’s not like it can get 5 people super high. They all know that, but it’s enough to make them feel relaxed and giggly.

Yangyang wants to pass the weed into Kunhang’s hands but he doesn’t quite reach there and instead he shoves it more into his chest. He chuckles looking into the other eyes, the weed making him bolder. The other wraps his fingers around his wrist and he feels the cold spark coming through his body at the feeling. The older smiles at him. “Watch out.” he says.

They pass the blunt until there’s not much more left, Yuta is the one to finish. Yangyang’s eyelids feel heavy, but he doesn’t feel like sleeping. His body feels so relaxed he feels like he’s floating and there are no serious thoughts in his head. He’s only wondering how to get the potato crisps from the kitchen table without moving too much. He doesn’t want to change his position, he’s lying comfortably on the plush carpet, his head in Kunhang’s lap. He turns his sight from where he was looking at the snack that seemed completely out of his reach in that moment. 

He looks up at Kunhang’s face, it’s as pretty as always but Yangyang feels more aware of that than ever before. His complexion looks paler than any other day during the time they’ve been here because of the lack of sunlight. The skin seems so soft from afar, he suddenly has an urge to get closer to the older’s face and examine smoothness. But he’s not high enough to let himself do that. There are little tears in the corners of Kunhang’s dark eyes because of laughing too hard at something someone said. He doesn’t know who or what it was, he hasn’t been paying enough attention to catch that. He smiles only at the thought of the older being happy.

Then Kunhang looks down at his face but he’s looking more serious now. “What do you think?” He asks and starts patting Yangyang’s head, combing through his hair.

Yangyang is confused, he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be thinking about besides the other’s face in that moment. 

“About what?”

“About what Yuta’s just said.”

“I didn’t quite catch.” He says and not reluctantly turns his head into the said’s direction. Kunhang’s fingers are still in his hair though. That makes up for losing him from his eyesight.

“I said that you two should be in our music video.” Yuta says confidently.

“And do what?” Yangyang has no idea what would he do. He’s nowhere near having any good acting skills.

“Kiss.” He answers simply like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. "You've heard the lyrics, it's a love song after all."

And if it was any on other day Yangyang would probably get all red on the face, burning with embarrassment look down and pretend the question has never been asked.

But in his current state he doesn't think about the consequences, so instead he says. “Sure, why not? It’s not like we haven't done that before.”

Then he turns again to see Kunhang’s reaction, he sees the older smiling. “Now?” The question is directed at Yuta but he doesn’t break the eye contact with Kunhang. He sees the other’s throat bob and he quickly licks his bottom lip. Yangyang wouldn’t mind doing it now.

He hears Yuta laugh. “No, the lightning is very off now. Tomorrow.”

Yangyang has to admit he feels and sting of disappointment hearing that.

.

“Are you done yet?” Yuta’s voice comes through the wooden surface of the bathrooms door. “Hurry, we gotta do it before the Sun sets.”

Kunhang spits the toothpaste foam out. “We’re coming, just a sec.”

Yangyang is drying his face with a small green towel, his still can taste the artificial mint flavour in his mouth. He’s used a bit too much of the toothpaste. When he sees his friend is done he hands him the towel.

“Thanks.” There’s another knock on the door to rush them. “Let’s go.”

“Wait!” The older halts with his hand on the doorknob. “We’re… It’s all in the past, right? This isn’t gonna make everything between us awkward again?”

“I hope it’s not.” He says, Yangyang doesn’t like how unsure his voice sounds.

“Alright, the frame is perfect.” Yuta says looking from behind his phone. Yangyang was surprised he’s going to record it with his phone but the other just responded that he’ll edit it later to look retro anyway so it doesn’t have to be full HD. Apparently people were into this aesthetic these days. 

He and Kunhang are seated on the edge of the pier, their thighs are touching, their calves hanging loosely into the water. They are both dressed in black which he thinks suits Kunhang way better than him.

It’s evening, the sun has started setting and everything seems to have a shade of pink to it. The water isn’t cold but it isn’t warm either and Yangyang considers Yuta standing in the water that reaches higher than his thighs a true commitment.

“Just please get to it because in a few minutes it’s gonna get dark, and I’m not standing here and wetting my balls for you two to fuck it up. Thank you.”

Yangyang changes the angle of his body slightly so he’s facing Kunhang. The other is already looking at him. The lightning is making his skin look warm and rosy but when the younger reaches out to touch the side of his neck its temperature is familiarly cold. He looks down to his plump lips, he drags his thumb along the bottom lip and hears the other hanker. When he looks up to Kunhangs eyes they are already closed, his raven lashes rest on top of his cold, prominent cheeks. Yangyang wants to remember that sight forever.

There’s no rush, he presses his fringe-covered forehead against Kunhang’s and just breathes in the familiar scent on his perfume that overwhelms him now because of how close he is. He smells sweet like field berry.

After a moment he feels chilly fingers press against his neck and pulling him in. He doesn’t fight it and just obliges connecting their lips. It’s shy at first, it reminds him of the first time they’ve kissed almost 4 years ago in Kunhang’s bedroom. It’s gives him the same rush of adrenaline and makes his heart thump like crazy in his chest. Yangyang hears the other inhale heavily through his nose but he doesn’t break the kiss to breathe properly, the younger feels relieved he isn’t the only one who doesn’t want this to end. 

The cold palm on the back of Yangyang’s neck is guiding him down into Kunhang’s lap. He straddles him and lands a bit too heavily making the older fall flat on his back. He lands on the soft bed and giggles looking up at the younger. They are back in the room upstairs having excused themselves with some cockeyed reason to their friends. 

Yuta’s sharp shout of “Aaaand cut! We’re done. Let’s go back I gotta change.” Came way too quickly for Yangyang’s liking. The kiss left him flushed all over the face and gasping for air. But it was too short, he didn’t want to let go and accept it as the closest that he could get to Kunhang. He wasn’t even trying to hide his discontent, if he could he’d burn a hole in Yuta’s back while they were waddling back to the house. The irritation was obvious on his face with his eyebrows furrowed and his lips in a grimace that resembled a pout. 

But then he felt Kunhang’s hand taking his and lacing their fingers together. Surprised he looked to the side but the other’s face didn’t show any emotion, he was looking ahead being casual about his action.

Kunhang reaches up to uncover the younger’s eyes from under his bangs and then holds in place on the top of his head. For a while, he just looks at him not doing anything as if he’s waiting for the other to back away. But Yangyang doesn’t, instead, he shortens the distance between their faces again, rubbing their noses together. 

Then he lightly pecks Kunhang’s cupid’s bow while the older’s hands slide through his hair. When he distances himself again the older whimpers in discontent which soon turns into a sound of pleasure when he feels the soft and wet touch, this time on his long neck. The cold fingers in Yangyang’s brown hair twitch and then start pulling.

He pulls away again but doesn’t let the other complain, quickly reaching to drag his palms down the other’s chest. Holding the black T-shirt’s rim, he draws it up and up until he can’t anymore and then Kunhang lifts himself slightly. When it’s finally off, Yangyang looks him up and down. It’s not like he hasn’t seen him shirtless almost every day lately, but it’s different with just the two of them in his room. He wishes there was more light than just the dim glow of the lonely street light coming through the window. There’s no way he’s getting up to switch it on, though. 

Kunhang’s chest is moving up and down, he’s breathing heavily. The younger brings his palms to it wanting to touch everywhere. Despite the older getting tanned because of how much time they’ve been spending by the lake, the difference in their skin tones is still significant. He really likes it. 

He dips down again but softly brushing his lips against the skin doesn’t seem like enough to either of them anymore. He wants to bit all over the pale surface and leave marks whose intense shade would contrast so well.

“Can I… “ He starts but cuts off not being brave enough to actually voice it out.

But the other seems to get it anyway. “Yes… I'm fine with everything.” He sounds almost desperate.

Yangyang starts off with his collarbones, at first only lightly nipping but it soon turns into biting all over the soft skin. He soothes the pleasurable pain by dragging his tongue across the violet marks that are already forming across the other’s chest. It drags the sweetest whimpers and quiet moans from his throat and his fingers clutch the brown locks between his fingers like a lifeline, trying to ground himself. 

When the younger drags his tongue across the other’s right nipple and then starts lightly sucking on it, Kunhang pulls him down, locking his legs around the other's middle. The sudden movement makes their clothed, hard dicks brush. They both moan. Kunhang starts frantically pulling on the back of the other’s shirt, wherever he can reach.

“Take… “ He can’t help his hips moving up, looking for the friction. “Take it fucking off.” But before Yanyang can do that the other brings him for a kiss again. It’s messy and inpatient, he can barely keep up with sliding his tongue against the other’s. Then he swiftly pushes him away. “Now, quickly.” He pats his shoulder and lets go of him completely.

Yangyang laughs a little, pulling at the hem of his T-shirt as fast as he can with the way his arousal is making his hands shake a little, and tosses it somewhere beside the bed, not caring much where it lands. 

“Now what?” He asks still smiling cheekily. The other reaches for his hand and laces their fingers together. Yangyang admires his black nails that he’s so proud of helping with. He wants to kiss him again but the change of position makes his pelvis push against the older’s and it makes him lose all focus for a short moment. He tries to prevent his hips from moving too much, not knowing what the other wants to do further on. He feels like he could come just from the sweet pressure and making out alone.

The black shorts he’s wearing are loose enough for Kunhang’s hand to reach the bare skin of his thighs. His breath shudders and he suddenly doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He feels his ass being squeezed, hard enough for him to grind down again and lose the balance. Almost smashing into other’s face, he ungracefully lands on his chest, not being quick enough to support himself above the other’s body. Because of that, he suddenly feels really shy not being able to look the older in the eyes. He hides his face into the other’s neck and feels one of his hands travel from his ass to his hair. He pulls on it and then lifts his hips again, dragging a surprised moan out of Yangyang’s throat.

He starts grinding down, slowly at first, his hot breath fanning over the column of Kunhang’s neck. The hands on the back of his thighs are helping him move, settling a steady rhythm to the movements. After a moment he finally lifts up his head, that seems to please the older who kisses him deeply again. Yangyang can feel the other smile through it.

The closer to the release he gets, the sloppier his hips’ movements are not being able to control it well. The other seems to be close too, his hands roam on the younger’s skin, seemingly not being able to find a place for themselves in his eager state.

“Honestly, I wanted you to fuck me bu- ah” Kunhang whimpers at a particularly hard slam of the other’s hips against his. “-but this is so good, for now at least.”

The last words make Yanyang feel butterflies in his stomach, even the thought of doing something like that again makes him nervous and excited despite that time not being even over yet. He hums. “That’s great because I don’t have lube anywhere near.” He answers, the words that come out of his mouth are breathy. He doesn’t think he can last much longer with the way the older’s hips are meeting his halfway through, making their dicks brush every time making him shudder. He’s also never thought someone’s moans and whimpers could be so incredibly turning-on.

“Good because I don’t think I could last you prepping me.”

Those words are what helps to push Yangyang over the edge. He feels the front of his pants get wet with the warm substance. He lets out a whimper but doesn’t stop moving, desperately wanting to make the other feel good too. He kisses him but the other is too lost in the feeling to respond so he just watches his beautiful face twitch as the effect of his orgasm approaching.

And then it’s over. Yangyang feels his body go slack on top of the older’s. He feels blissfully tired. He tries his best to lift his head to be able to look at Kunhang who seems to be in a similar state. The younger lightly pecks his lips trying to get his attention, he hopes he’s still allowed to do that. It feels intimate but he likes it, he’s missed it. Although when they were younger the furthest they had ever gotten was making out, this feeling of internal excitement and happiness brought by being so close to someone is the same.

To his relief, it seems that Kunhang doesn‘t mind his affections. His lips spread into a lazy and tired, but at the same time contented, smile. The skin on his face and chest is glistening with sweat making it look even better. His hair looks a bit slick lying on the pillow around his face. 

The younger kisses his forehead, he’s still unsure if there is any border he’s not supposed to cross but if there is, he’s going to try to push it as far as he can. He’s coming back from his dizzy-minded state and realises that his weight may be too much for the other to support at the moment. He rolls off of him which makes Kunhang open his eyes to check what’s happened. He relaxes when he sees the other just lying beside him and once more that evening laces their fingers together.

Yangyang smiles and brings their joined palms closer to his face. He eyes them and then comments “It’s so pretty.”

Kunhang makes a sound from the back of his throat, hoping the other is going to understand what he means. He does. “Your hand.”

At that the older laughs. “Are you still high from yesterday?”.

“No! Your nails are just… nice and shiny.”

The comment makes his cheeks heat up which generally doesn’t happen often but also he feels warmth spreading somewhere near his heart. “Well, it’s all thanks to you.” He squeezes Yangyang’s hand. He rolls over to his side to get closer to the younger and puts his arm around his neck not minding the sweat. He starts threading his cold fingers through his hair trying to take his bangs away from his forehead to help him cool down. “You all good?” He asks at last.

“So good… “ He sighs, his breath has evened out. “You?”

“Hm… “

“If you keep doing that I’m gonna fall asleep soon.”

“That’s the point. You should rest.”

“We should clean up.” Yangyang says, there’s a bit of disgust which is understandable considering they are lying on the clean bedsheet, both covered with sweat and with their shorts drenched with come.

“It’s okay, I’ll do that in a sec. Sleep.” He says and for the last time before falling asleep Yangyang feels soft lips kissing him.

.

Finding himself in the morning in changed, clean boxers but alone made him disappointed but not more than Kunhang not even sparing him one look during breakfast.

Yangyang was confused to say at least, it's not like he's thought they suddenly were going to make some heartfelt declarations. He was well aware that what happened wasn't just going to magically bring them back together but he hoped it wasn't going to be that volatile. 

And while on the previous evening he wasn't sure where the border was and was afraid of doing something which the other wouldn't be okay with it never came. Now he thought he'd prefer to be pushed away then instead of going through being ignored by him now.

"Where are you going?" Dejun asks when he sees him downstairs, putting on his converse.

He doesn't know, he just wants to get away from Kunhang treating him like air. It would hurt in any other circumstances but the fact that it's happening after they had sex and it's the older probably just regretting that which makes him feel like garbage.

"Out." He doesn't miss the worried frown that forms on the other's face.

"Are you okay? You've been off since the morning."

"Don't worry about it." He says in a dull voice hoping that he's going to drop it.

"If you say so… If you wanna talk-"

"I don't." His voice comes out a bit too harshly, he doesn't want to take anything out on Dejun who hasn't done anything and thinks he's just being helpful. "Sorry… I just need some time alone."

The older manages a weak smile. "Sure."

He doesn't have anywhere to go or anyone to talk to in the village. Calling Leon to check if he's still there crosses his mind but then he thinks meeting him would only make him feel worse.

He ends up somewhere on the lakeshore but far away enough from the cabin that he thinks none of his friends could find him. He doesn’t know what to do, he thought that being alone would give him some kind of relief but it doesn’t come, he feels the same - all-overish. 

The worst thing is that he doesn’t wish he could turn back time and not let any of that happen, no he doesn’t regret it at all and doesn’t think he’s done anything he should be ashamed of. 

He watches the calm surface of the water hoping to feel similar. The sun rays are making it glitter. The trees sway softly right and left, left and right the movement is the only proof of the air around him moving because he can’t feel it on his sweat-damp skin at all. Sitting on the grass is going to give his shorts a nasty green stain anyway so he decides it’s not that big of a difference if his T-shirt was the same. He lays down on the warm and hard ground. He misses the feeling of Kunhang’s cold fingers on his skin. He sighs, he wanted to stop thinking about the older but he can’t bring himself to. 

He looks up to the sky, there are dark clouds in the distance. A storm must be coming.

.

For the past 3 days whenever Yangyang was coming back from the shower to his room, Kunhang was already asleep or at least pretending to, turned away from the other’s side of the bed not giving the other even slight hope for any kind of interaction.

Today is different though. When the younger comes into the room, drying his hair with a towel, he sees the other sitting at the edge of the bed playing with his fingers nervously. When he hears the door open he looks up and quickly turns his eyes away, as if it’s beyond his control.

Yangyang isn’t sure what he’s supposed to do in that situation. He tries not to react too eagerly even though he feels happy at the change, maybe sees some hope of working through this situation. But all of it is gone when the other finally starts speaking.

“I’m sorry about this all, I should’ve never let that happen.” His voice is quiet and lacks confidence. He sounds guilty. And Yangyang doesn’t want him to feel that way. He doesn’t want to go through this just because of some kind of misunderstanding, because of the other thinking that he regrets when he doesn’t.

He puts the towel around his neck and comes closer to the bed to sit next to Kunhang. He stops in his tracks just before his hand can land on the other’s arm when he wanted to put it.

“Don’t be. I was there, too. If I wasn’t into it I wouldn’t have done anything or let you do anything.” He tries for his voice to sound as soft as possible and not resemble any irritation he’s been feeling for the past days.

“We should just forget that it happened.” There it comes, the thing Yangyang was so afraid to hear.

“I mean… if that’s what you want.”

“It will be for the best.” 

“For who?” Yangyang can feel the anger build inside him because he hates that answer. He doesn’t think it will be better for him for sure. He stands up and takes place in front of the other who isn't even looking at him. He takes the damp towel off of his shoulders and throws it onto a chair in the corner of the room.

“For both of us… for you. It’s like… that’s why I’m sorry. What was I even thinking?” He asks more himself than the other. He shakes his head. “I don’t want to stir up your life, it’s not like we could be together again an-”

That hurts because even if the younger didn’t want to admit that before to Dejun or even himself, now he thinks he’d like that. And the older stating he doesn’t even consider that possible makes him realize how much he’d want that.

“Why?” He can’t help but ask.

The other looks at him in confusion. “Because you have your life now and-”

“Can you stop talking about me? All you say it’s you you like it’s all only about me, like you know what I feel and want better than I do.” He sighs, he’s trying to think his words through before he speaks again because he doesn’t want to say something he’s going to regret with the anger and sorrow building up inside him, not only thinking about past few days but also about what happened 2 years earlier. 

“You say you don’t wanna stir up my life but that’s exactly what you’re doing. You come here to what… to-” The next words are heavy on his tongue.”-to remind me how much I love you and how I haven’t been able to get over you for so long because honestly, I don’t want to.”

Kunhang is looking at him now, intensively, his mouth is slightly open as if he’s surprised at what he just heard but he keeps quiet.

“And you act like…” He lets out another helpless sigh. He doesn’t want to blame everything on Kunhang because that just wouldn’t be fair. They’ve never talked about it, he doesn’t know if there isn’t something he has done that made the other feel like he doesn’t want to share his life with him anymore. “ You dare to give me any hope that you still feel something too, just to make me so happy for a second and then make me feel like a total piece of shit. In the evening you’re being all affectionate and… and tell me to rest and then change my clothes just to act like I don’t exist in the morning.”

“I’m sorry if-”

“Stop, stop fucking apologising! I don’t want you to feel sorry, that’s pointless. I just want you to understand that I am able to think for myself, that I don’t need you to worry about what’s better for me."

There are thousands of thoughts in his head right now and all the memories are coming back. And he wants to say how much he's been hurting and what he thought then, and what he thinks now. But somehow he can't bring himself to just put it all out. Maybe it's because he's ashamed of being so attached to the older, or maybe he's scared that Kunhang isn't going to care about what he says anyway. The second option is what he's scared of.

Kunhang is still quiet, his eyes glued to the floor. Yanyang wishes he could figure out what is going through his mind right now. Does he think that the youngers behaviour is just stupid? Does he think he's pathetic for that? Or maybe he just feels a duty of listening to what he has to say and after what he hears he's never going to want to talk to him again? Because they've agreed the past is in the past, that it would be a shame to lose a friend because of some feelings they had as teens. Yangyang knows he can't change the past but he can at least try his best for it not to repeat and he feels that's exactly what's happening now.

"Look I-"He says, now in a much calmer voice. "I can't force you to lo-" He feels like using this word may be too dangerous. He decides for something more neutral. "... To feel the same as I do. I get it. Just… just don't treat me like I can't take it. Don't say you're doing something for me when all it does is hurt me. Just be brave enough to say you don't want this."

If the response comes this time he doesn't hear it because when he's finished talking he reaches for the doorknob as fast as he can. When he's on the other side of the wooden surface he releases the shaky breath he was holding. He feels like sliding down and collapsing, not moving an inch. 

Yangyang comes down the stairs to Dejun already muffled into the eiderdown. The other doesn't seem to notice him at first, his eyes are focused on the little screen of his phone. The younger sits on the edge of the sofa and that must tug on the comforter because next moment Dejun looks up and when he sees him he reaches to his ear to pull out AirPods that Yangyang hadn't noticed before. 

At first, he takes the little device out but still keeps it next to his ear as if he's expecting to hear something quick and put it back right away. Yangyang thinks he's probably working on some music. But when he sees the younger's frown he reaches for the little box and puts both of earphones back. 

Yangyang feels bad for interrupting him. He opens his mouth but doesn't exactly know what he wants to say. Seeing that, Dejun's eyes soften and Yangyang can notice the worry they hold.

He puts his hand on the younger's neck massaging it a bit in a comforting manner. It helps Yangyang to relax, at least a bit. Dejun doesn't say anything, doesn't ask anything. He's grateful for that.

"Can I sleep here tonight?" He finally asks.

It seems like of all things the other was expecting to hear or not hear it wasn't that. He looks at him in confusion, Yangyang doesn't think he can answer the question that is about to be asked, he decides to be quicker than his friend.

"Please?" He hopes that his desperation is clear enough.

"I mean… sure you can. Do you have your pillow?"

Yangyang didn't even think about that, he just wanted to be out of the bedroom as fast as he could. He shakes his head.

"It's fine…" Dejun stops to think about it for a while. "I can go-" Yangyang hopes the other doesn't think about getting the pillow from the room Kunhang is still in. He doesn't want to cause a scene, it would be ideal if Kunhang just went to sleep and thought Yanyang came back to the room later and woke up early in the morning. "-I can go ask Sicheng and Yuta." Yangyang breaths in relief. "They sleep cuddling so tightly they don't need it anyway." Dejun chuckles and Yangyang manages too.

"If you could…"

Dejun squeezes the tanned skin on Yangyang's neck one more time and heads upstairs.

The pillow Yangyang is lying it smells foreign, it must be Yuta's or Sicheng's hair product. It's not a bad smell. It's lavender, at least he thinks so, he doesn't dislike it but it just feels weird to be surrounded by it. It makes him feel weird like he's sharing bed with a stranger. 

He's tired but he can't bring himself to fall asleep. He looks at the ceiling. There's a month in the corner of the room. It looks like a brown triangle.

Then there's rustling and Dejun is facing him. He looks to the side. There's enough distance between them for Yangyang to see the others face clearly. 

"You can't sleep?" Yangyang hums in confirmation. "Last time you said you didn't want to talk, and I'm not gonna push on you but… you know that I'm here."

"I know."

Seeing that the reaction is other than last time, and Yanyang doesn't exactly reject the offer, he continues. "You had a fight? You and Kunhang?"

"I wouldn't call it a fight. Rather long silence and then a monologue from me." He tries to say it in a careless manner as if he's joking. He doesn't succeed, though. His voice cracks at the end of the sentence.

"Fuck… If that's because of this idea with the kiss for our video I'm so sorry I-"

"No, it's not. Don't blame yourself." That isn't a lie because he thinks that if they did nothing else after they came back home. 

Dejun untangles his hand from the comforter and ruffles Yangyang's hair. "It's gonna be fine. You just probably need time. Maybe spending too much time together after so long was just diving too deep?" Yangyang knows those words are supposed to make him feel better, but they don't. 

He isn't tired of Kunhang's constant presence, it's the opposite. He's afraid he's going to disappear from his life again.

"Maybe you should take little steps. Just call him in a few days, after we're back in China already… Maybe it'll be better like this."

"Wait… when are you going back?"

"The day after tomorrow. Speaking of, I gotta start packing tomorrow and we gotta check the bust to see-" Dejun continues but Yangyangy isn't paying much attention, he's deep into his thoughts right now. He didn't realise it's been almost 2 weeks already. Now he's almost sure they won't be able to go back to anything considered normal during this short time. His heart is thumping in his chest because of the stress, he feels helpless.

.

They hadn't talked whole day, Yangyang didn't even have to try that much not to stumble upon Kunhang because the older hadn't been out of the room except going to the bathroom. 

He's surprised when he sits next to him on the evening before their departure. He isn't sure how to react. He doesn't want to pretend that everything is fine just because they don't want to part while in conflict. 

"You know, we're supposed to leave tomorrow but...but I don't have to. If you'd just told me, I could...I could stay for a bit more. I know that what happened-" The words make Yanyang's heart is beating like crazy. He wants to say yes. 

But that's nonsense, it's not going to change anything. They are just probably going to spend another week dancing around each other pretending nothing ever happened, and then Kunhang is going to leave anyway because, as he himself notices, they have their separate lives now.

"You don't know shit, okay?" He tries for his voice to sound angry, it's like building a wall between them. He prefers for the older to think he's angry with him than to give him a reason to pity him. "Besides-" he scoffs. "I shouldn't be the one to hold you back." Then he walks away not wanting to hear anything else.

.

Not being able to fall asleep again gave Yangyang a lot of time to think and overthink things. In the morning he feels like a stupid child for what he's done the day before. He feels guilty for not even willing to listen to Kunhang. An honest conversation was what he wanted so much and he's been blaming the other for not giving it to him. And now that's exactly what he did.

He walks into the kitchen after he's brushed his teeth still wearing the cartoon T-Shirt and shorts he slept in. Kunhang is sitting on the counter with a mug of coffee, Yangyang thinks because of the aroma that he smells. He's looking out of the window, it seems like he didn't notice the younger yet.

Yangyang comes closer and braces himself on the counter across from the one the other is sitting on. He thinks that's a safe distance. He thinks that it's now or never, he either finally speaks honestly or they going to be stuck again.

He doesn't know how to start, he decides to just go for it. "I don't want you to leave." He says simply.

That seems to take Kunhang out of the little trans he was in. He turns his head into Yangyang's direction, he seems startled like a deer caught in the headlights.

"I don't want you to leave…" The younger repeats to be sure he heard him. Standing in front of Kunhang made the sketch of the plan he had in his head disappear. He breathes in deeply trying to continue the thought. "I don't want you to leave." He repeats for the 3rd time hoping it's going to make it easier to continue. "But if what you've said before is just because you feel bad or… If you're just going to stay for a few days and we're just gonna pretend everything is fine then I-" He halts thinking carefully about his next words. "... then, spare me. Spare us both."

Kunhang shakes his head for a no. "It's not that."

"Okay… And if I made you uncomfortable with my um… my confession." He says the last word quietly because it feels cliché on his tongue. "I know sometimes… I get too emotional and it’s just-”

“I wanted you to be happy,” Kunhang interrupts his babbling as if he wasn’t even listening. “I didn’t want to be an obstacle.”

“What?” He looks at him in shock.

The other sighs, he reaches out for his hand. Yangyang feels the cold skin on his wrist pulling him closer. He stands in front of him now but the other doesn’t stop tugging on his hand, pulling him closer and closer until he’s standing in between his legs while he sits on the counter.

“Back then.”

“Yeah?”

“I know you’re thinking I just decided for us both overnight that it’ll be better if you don't come but it wasn’t like that. I was actually thinking about it a lot and it was hard for me, too.” His hand has travelled up Yangyang’s body and now is softly caressing the skin on his neck. He’s looking straight into the younger's eyes as if to see something there, any sign he isn’t fine with them being close, or not wanting to hear his explanations.

Yangyang tries his hardest to put his brain to work and think about something to say instead of just focusing on the cold fingers against his body.

“That doesn’t make it fair.” 

“I know, I’m sorry.” This is the first time the younger feels the apology is needed. He feels like the other has finally understood everything he wanted him to. He feels clean like this moment has been everything he needed for them to finally move on. He doesn’t know where this is going to go but he knows they’re finally free from standing in the same place, like their legs have been concreted this whole time and someone has finally hit it with a massive hammer, breaking the block.

“Okay, I accept the apology.” He smiles brightly hoping it’s going to relax the other and encourage him he means it. 

The other smiles too, but it looks nervous and doesn’t last long before his face becomes serious again. He puts his arms around Yangyang’s neck and pulls him closer to his body. The younger doesn’t protest, at first resting his palms behind the other’s body on the wooden countertop but then changes their position to rest against the coarse fabric of jeans Kunhang is wearing. He holds his thighs and lightly moves his thumbs up and down massaging them. Shortening the distance made their noses almost touch and he knows he could kiss the other right then and there but he doesn’t have the courage, not being sure what exactly the other wants.

They hold each other like that for a while, it’s calming. He puts his forehead onto the other’s shoulder, he smells his sweet perfume and feels like all the energy he’s lost not sleeping the last two nights is being restored in his body just from that.

Then Kunhang pulls onto his hair softly and lifts his head to look at him again. He runs his fingers through the younger’s fringe pulling it back as if to see his face better. He puts them on the other’s cheeks then which are getting red because of all the skinship. “I- I love you… too.” The last word sounds unsure like he’s asking it as if he’s not sure if he’s confessing or responding to one.

Yangyang feels like his cheeks are burning now. He’s shocked, he didn’t even dare to hope for other to say that. He stares at him intensely not believing what he just heard, feeling like it may be just a dream.  
His mouth is hanging open and he can’t manage a response, any kind. He thinks he must look extremely stupid now.

Kunhang squeezes his cheeks. “Is it still too?”

Yangyang nods eagerly, still being too shocked to use actual words. He tries to shake out of it but he feels like he’s on cloud nine, floating above the ground. He digs his fingers into the other’s legs to ground himself. “Yes… It’s still the same.”

The older breaks into a wide smile and pecks his lips once, quickly. “Good.” He says and leans in again, slower this time. Then he kisses him, gently and deeply. Yangyang closes his eyes, it comes naturally to kiss him back.

.

The sun is shining brightly on the wooden surface of prior next to the house, it seems like it wants to be as bright as it possibly can be in those last few days of August. Yangyang feels the warm rays through the fluffy fabric of a blue towel their bodies are covered with. Despite the feeling being really nice he thinks he still prefers the coldness of the body he’s leaning against.

It shines right into their faces, Yangyang closes his eyes to enjoy it. He feels Kunhang’s nose press against the column of his neck, trying to hide from the blazing beams.

“Aghh, why is it so bright?” The older whines making him chuckle. He runs his fingers through the black locks on his head that have gotten way longer since he first saw him almost 2 months ago.

“Don’t be dramatic, enjoy why it lasts.”

The older hums in agreement and kisses the place near where his lips were resting against the other’s skin before lifting his head. “You’re probably right.” He stretches his arms making a few of his bones crack. He then smiles cheekily and straddles the younger, making his back hit the boards under him with a thump.

“Ow!”

Kunhang’s shadow finally allows the younger to fully open his eyes. He grins at the other above him and lifts his head to catch his lips in a kiss. He rests his hands on the other’s waist and squeezes it lightly making him giggle. “Are you packed? We should go to sleep earlier today, your bus leaves at 9.”

“Yeah, I’m almost ready to go.”

“Gonna miss you.”

Kunhang rolls his eyes at that and lets out a huff. “Now you’re being dramatic. It’s only 3 days and you gonna see me again.” Right, Yanyang still has to come to his parents’ home to pack at least some of his things and other clothes than summer tanks, T-shirts and shorts.

“Still.” He says only to tease the other.

“Only three days and then you’re gonna see me every day. You’re gonna get tired of me.” The older says and Yangyang can’t help but smile widely at the thought.

He takes Kunhangs palm and laces their fingers. “I’m so happy about that.”

“We’re gonna see how happy you’re gonna be about sleeping on the twin-sized bed in my… our-” He corrects himself and grins. “-our small ass room.”

“Oh no.” Yangyang fake gasps. “Having to cuddle my boyfriend closely while we sleep. Seems truly awful.”

That makes Kunhang laugh loudly and because of how close they are the sound goes right into the younger’s ear but he doesn’t mind at all.


End file.
